Life in Paris on PNN

June 9th 2008 - Concert at Entrepot

Tonight I have a concert - a student concert at Entrepot, a great bar in the 14th. Last year I sang at this concert. This year I'll be playing piano mostly, though one song - Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered, I'll be singing as well as playing. I'm excited. Nervous, but excited.

My gig last week went pretty well. I had some friends come listen, thank God because at a certain point there was literally no one in the bar.

The interesting thing about this bar Le Cinquante was that it was much like an old house with several rooms comprising a complicated floor plan. The piano was in the back room, where most people only came to go to the bathroom.I rather enjoyed the set up cause we could play in a room by ourselves, but be heard through out the bar.

Elena was bothered by the situation, and it was hard for me at times to stay focused.

But the best part was that the two girls I give singing and piano lessons to came to listen with their parents. They are a wonderful family from California who came to Paris for a year. I find them fascinating that they did this together. And even more so, I adore the girls aged 11 and 13 who are everything one could hope for girls that age. I think it's such a great idea to bring them to another country at that age. Most american girls are getting lost in the popularity game at that point. What great timing to be faced with a world where suddenly no matter what you do, you don't quite fit in. You are forced to develop those inner muscles of self-esteem.

One of the girls plays piano and she was about to quit before her mom found me. Years of classical training was getting old. I've introduced her to the world of blues, and jazz and improvisation, and I have a wonderful feeling she in it for life now. Whether or not she is professional is never my concern. More so is the idea of giving her an outlet to express herself. Something that can be hers no matter what happens to her in life.

The girls being there felt like kismit since it happened to be a piano sax gig - a rare find. And they happen to be a pianist and flutist. I wondered if some day they would have their own gigs together. Or maybe just play at home together. Hopefully it would smooth over some of the bickering they are becoming accustomed to.

I just read that the reason the lonely feel alone is because they find no meaning or purpose in their days. That night, though I made no money and hardly had an audience, I felt a sense of purpose. And this is what keeps me coming back to music.

Something I think that has been a HUGE block is the idea that in order to be a musician you have to be Special. The minute my mind starts in on this fantasy is the minute I become a terrible musician. I'm all in it for myself and I lose that sense of purpose which seems always to be a connection to others, never a separation. Wanting to be special is exactly this, wanting to be different, apart, ie... lonely.

Tonight, I set my sights not on standing out or being special, but rather playing the best I can so I can be part of something greater than myself. So I can serve in whatever way I can. I consider myself lucky to get to serve the music, the other musicians, the audience - no matter how big or small.

This might seem evident to some, but it's been a long time in coming for me. And it takes so much pressure off me, I can't describe. I imagine I'll still be nervous tonight, but with my thoughts well placed I think I'll be able to channel that energy. And if not, maybe I'll learn an important step in what it would take to channel it.

I know one thing for sure, that my hesitation comes from doubts. And this makes me off in my timing. But when I trust completely, I'm a different player. I "swing" as they say. Which means nothing more than being in harmony with the others in the group.

And ironically, the only reason I ever doubted myself is cause I knew deep down I was fantasizing that one day everyone would realize I'm the most special person on the planet:) Who could trust themselves when they are hiding such a selfish thought deep inside? No one can win if it requires others to loose. And this is what it would take to be special, everyone else would have to be... well... not.

Writing this here is a confession, but I'm glad to be rid of it. As well as hoping that it solves the problem of my reluctant heart. Until I got my head on straight, I guess I was putting the brakes on myself.

Now with my mind set on the big picture, I'm ready to go full speed ahead. Wish me luck tonight.

- Lyndol

0Vote!

Comments (2) Links Share

NPR Topics: Health & Science

The latest health and science news. Updates on medicine, healthy living, nutrition, drugs, diet, and advances in science and technology. Subscribe to the Health & Science podcast.

Updated: 05 Dec 06:36

E-Greens: The Rise Of Media Environmentalism

04 Dec 21:36

Americans are susceptible to a variety of sneaky maladies associated with the Media Age: information overload, couch potato-obesity, social isolation. The simple key to being a media environmentalist is proper use of the off button.

Gore Group, Industry Butt Heads Over 'Clean Coal'

04 Dec 20:50

An organization headed by former Vice President Al Gore released a television ad Thursday that takes on so-called clean coal technology. A debate is raging between environmental advocates and industry officials over the technology and even the definition of the term "clean coal."

Health Coverage For Volunteers Often Limited

04 Dec 16:59

An increasing number of young adults are choosing to volunteer. Most organizations provide health insurance to the volunteers, who effectively live at the poverty level, but the benefits are not usually as complete as employer-provided insurance.

Finding Health Insurance Can Be Tricky For Grads

04 Dec 06:50

Many young adults transition out of college into jobs that have limited benefits. Negotiating how to find health insurance that will meet their needs can be difficult.

Flu On Campus: Avoiding Misery For $20

04 Dec 05:29

Every year, about 1 in 4 college students gets the flu. A $20 flu shot can be a cheap insurance policy against aching joints and muscles, high fever, missed classes. But even that isn't enough to motivate some students to get vaccinated, so one health expert is trying an economic argument.

Gig Nov. 17 - St. Germain-En -Laye

Tomorrow night I have a gig with some friends from school, a great pianist named Wil has invited me to sing a set at his small, hole in the wall gig.

It's not in Paris proper, but out in St. Germain En Laye. If you by chance are reading this and will be in Paris, you'll have to take the RER out of paris and pay an extra 3 euros - 6 rue st pierre at 8:00

The gig is unpaid and I hear the venue is TINY with a capital T. It's unpaid and last week at the 2nd rehearsal, the pianist and organizer didn't show. This is the unglam, reality side to being a musician.

I bought a dress at a marche - huge garage sale in the middle of a park. It was only 5 euros and seems the perfect gig dress. This is me trying to make the gig more glam.

I know all the songs and have transposed the parts for the saxist that will be accompanying me. Good change no one will be there, so I'm hardly nervous, though it might be good if I were. I think I will enjoy it though. I usually do enjoy any chance to play with other musicians and especially to sing into a microphone:)

I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm also heading tomorrow to see the Patron of this other venue I've been trying to get a solo gig at. I dropped the cd off, and did a small performance. He seemed pleased but then has been staling on giving me a date. His chef was sick for like 3 weeks so he asked for some time. When I showed up last week after a month he still was not ready. So I've decided to show up every monday morning till he gives me a gig. We'll see if this works. Hard to know if they are just not interested, or if persistence is needed. I'll give it a few weeks to see. Then I'll start trying somewhere else for my solo gig. I really felt this was the place though.

That's the gig news from Paris.

0Vote!

Comments (0) Links Share

PAID GIG - JULY 5TH 2008

Saturday night I sang at a wedding in Paris. What an incredible night it was. I was recommended by some friends from school who could not do the gig. It was only one song... LOVE by Natalie Cole. And it was to be a surprise as the best man wanted to surprise the Bride and Groom by playing his guitar and singing in the middle of his speech.

Since he didn't feel he was a strong musician, he wanted me to step and sing the second time through surprising everyone who had thought I was his date... Natalie Caule (french version of Cole)

It was a crazy idea, and at first I wasn't even sure I'd be paid. But he meet me at a jazz jam Thursday night to discuss. he was a sweet guy and I realized that he was someone I could trust, and I knew he would play with his heart whether he was a great musician or not. The thing I couldn't resist was that I asked 30 euros and he offered 35.

The wedding was in Paris, but I felt transport to Cameroon (bride and groom are 1st generation Parisians), as most everyone there was from this African country. The food, the music, the dancing... man the dancing was extraodinary. Everyone could groove and there were so many songs from Africa that had specific dances that everyone knew. There were dancers who did traditional dances in bright costums, and percussionist playing insanely wonderful rhythms. There was this sweet nutmeg smell in the air, and I've decided I most definitely want to visit Cameroon.

They didn't do the best man speech until 3:30 in the morning but I hardly cared as I felt so lucky to be experiencing this wedding. Then the look on the mariees' face when I started singing... the best man was right. They loved the surprise, and the whole evening has had me on cloud 9 for the past few days.

The best part - paid 50 euros.

Well, actually best part is the boost in my confidence. I had to sing for about 200 people, a song I basically learned that day, with little rehearsal... anyways I'm starting to feel like a professional!

1Vote!

Comments (0) Links Share

1 to 1 - One Successful Gig, One Flop

The very day of my concert, right after I wrote the article for this site - I got a phone call from the owner of Cafe Le Cinquante. Apparently he doesn't want to give us another gig, for a multitude of reasons he left explained in french on my mobile. I've had them translated to me a multitude of times and hence have heard this rejection in a variety interpretations. And what it comes down to is... it's hard to be rejected. But I do believe this is part of a musicians' life. And thought I had a horrible feeling after this message, I'm proud to say it didn't stop me that night at the big Concert.

I let myself shine baby!

I can't say I didn't have any inhibitions, but I can say I was mostly relaxed and enjoying myself. I had no problems with focus and my rhythm was solid - the thing I worried the most about.

It was the biggest audience I've ever played for... probably about 100 people maybe 150. And I learned something about myself that I've suspected... that my shyness, my doubts, my reluctance disappears when I'm on stage simply because it has too. I got to see a me that is perfectly in her element there on stage, surrounded by musicians who are smiling and encouraging each other. Dancing on the piano bench to the grooves, tempting fate with each note, allowing the music to have it's her own life while I humbly focus on being the best instrument I can be. It's everything I dreamed of and more.

2 years of music school later and I can affirm I'm on the right path for my life. I love music so much. I love how it can bring out the best in all of us. Whether listening or playing, may your life be filled with as much music as possible.

And as far as the the concerts, I guess I'm dead even, one good review, one bad review. Nothing like such odds to keep one humbled and motivated to keep working.

0Vote!

Comments (0) Links Share

May 29, 2008

How do you change a cautious heart? How do you turn back the clock on a life of hesitation? How do you really, truly let go of control and trust every moment as it comes, one by one?

If one is to venture into the brave world of Jazz music, the answers to these questions must be found. How can improvisation "swing" if you hold back? How can the song groove if you waste even one split second wondering if it will?

I can hear it in my playing now... the hesitation. It's not always there... I'm gloriously free of it more and more. But when it it there, it's all the more painful. Trying harder doesn't work in these moments, days, when I'm just not hitting it. But what does work?

To let go of the doubt that's been holding me back... to let go of it completely... it's impossible unless I can replace it with something. It's been my secret companion for as long as I can remember. Hiding in a fraction of a second, but powerful enough to change everything that comes after.

My amazing Piano Teacher, Steve Browman, has advised me that despite the fact that caution seems to be a huge part of my personality, I must overcome it. Jazz music is all about taking risks.

Moving from note to note takes Trust. When the mistakes come, it takes courage to move on to the next, with out judgement. The music is too hard to waste one ounce of energy regretting the past or fearing the future. The moment your thoughts go there, you're are out of the game, and have no chance of being in time with your fellow musicians.

In the case of my gig, with only one other musician, it becomes even more important to be there, tuned in. If not, even for a split second, the song derails. With only Piano and Sax, the piano is the rhythm section.

It sounds like a lot of pressure, but really I'm not feeling any. It's not like this gig is the most important gig in the world and Elena is a forgiving musician.

But on a deeper note, how long will I continue to let life pass by with my thoughts all over the place, mainly in places I don't want like worries, complaints, and trying to control what I have no business trying to control.

In the meantime, what responsibilities am I sherking? Who am I letting down by not controlling my own thoughts, and letting my focus drift to dark places, like thoughts of how I might let others down?

Man this has turned into a zen mind fuck. I'll stop here, but before I do, I'd like to make another pledge to the blog audience... the last time I did this, it was to get a gig.. and well it's here. Pretty quickly the gig has arrived. Thanks!

So my next pledge is going to be a bit bigger... I want to throw all my caution to the wind and live life with Trust as my secret friend. - that might be the start of a song!

Why not make big pledges. These challenges coming my way are getting bigger and bigger. I have no choice. I must let go of the hesitation and walk every step with my whole being.

I love jazz music too much to keep playing half-ass. And I love the people in my life to keep living half-asleep.

0Vote!

Comments (0) Links Share

First Paris Gig

Yea! One week from Saturday I have my first gig in Paris. A small coffee house that is so quaint and beautiful with teal green walls and an old piano. It's in the 10th arrondissement.

It will be a duet gig - saxophone and piano!

Amazingly the same week I'll have two other small concerts for schools, so I guess I'm ready to start this phase of my musical education... sharing my music.

It's good these opportunities have come at this time, after a week of being down and out with the flu. I hardly can stand to feel any doubt whether I can handle what's coming. My body just can't support any more worrying. Instead, I feel thankful for each and every chance to shine.

It sounds selfish to me, like I'm one of those attention hogs I've always felt better than. But I'm seeing things clearly now, more clearly after a week of bed rest. What I'm seeing is that we all have our chances to shine, and we should all take them when they come our way. For we inspire each other this way, by shining in our own unique way. We remind each other of the best in us all.

And besides, what is the harm in needing a little attention anyways. We all do. I don't know why I've been so afraid to let myself need anything or anyone. But I'm not afraid anymore. I'm going to do my best to enjoy the hell out of this next week cause I've been needing this for a while!

0Vote!

Comments (3) Links Share

Getting Gigs In Paris

As the 2nd year of music school is only 6 weeks away, some students have built sufficient confidence to venture out into the music scene. As for me, I hardly feel like a professional musician. I'm more humbled than ever as for how much I have to learn.

However, I am convinced that if I continue only to study music as I've been doing the past few years, with out getting out and playing in the real world, then my music will be diseased with the obsession of perfection and the strangling effect of control.

Sometime after christmas I realized that in order for me to continue studying with the rigor I've accomplished up to that point, I'd need to bring the excitement back. Get out and take the risk of failing in an environment where it would really be considered a failure.

I used gigged at small coffee shops and with local rock bands before I started this music school pursuit. And I always found that I played better in front of an audience. My focus became sharp upon the threat of public humiliation. This was all before the intense practice I've been doing, so in theory the idea that I'm not good enough yet... well it just doesn't hold up in court. It became painfully obvious that I'd never have proof I was good enough. Not even with a school education. I had to just trust that I was good enough, and I guess that is the essence of confidence. No one can give it to you. Nothing in the world, but your own thoughts.

Deciding that I'm ready to try to get gigs was a mountain to climb. But that's been nothing compared with actually finding a gig here in Paris.

I've teamed up with a great Saxaphoniste from my school, Elena. She is originally from Russia, but has spent quite a bit of time in Iceland. Now she is married to a French Saxaphoniste. She is a really solid musician, and on top of that, I find her to be a very creative player. When we get in the zone, our jazz is very organic and groovy, if not technically perfect. We compliment each other well I think.

We spent the last vacation making a demo. After 15 takes of Blue Bossa, we went with the versions of All the Things You Are, Night and Day and Softly As a Morning Sunrise. (I've attached the versions for your listening pleasure)

We recorded the demo with some borrowed equipment in a sound studio 2 floors below an old building in the Marais. I'm convinced great historic things have passed down here as it must be at least 400 years old. Old stone walls, damp chills. Sound is great and Benoit, the owner, is a sweetheart. A huge fan of Stevie Ray Vaughn. We payed about 5 euros each for a 2 hour time slot.

Our next step was to head out on a Sunday afternoon and scope out a place. I'm mainly looking for a place with a piano, a tuned one, which dramatically narrows the options. Elena was mainly looking for a gig that payed decent.

It was raining that day, but I felt so alive, hitting the streets of Paris with our hopes in hand. Elena is a funny girl so we laughed a lot as we just let our intuition guide us. I handed out 2 demos, she handed out 1, when we stopped for a coffee and lost our momentum.

Since then I've handed out 2 more demos. And we almost had a gig. At a strange little place in Monmartre. It had a red piano, with a mannequin in purple dress laying on top, using a red phone like from the cold war days. Ironic when I think of that now, since Elena is from Russia we've had conversations about how different it was to grow up on different sides of that war.

But back to the red piano, it was from church in the states. Beautiful character, full of life. But it wasn't very well tuned in the lower register, and the keys were missing their ivory.

The owner was a guy from Portugal - Rolondo. He asked us to play a sample, and we ended up doing a set. A marvelous set it was. I felt that old inspiration come back. I was riding the crest of a wave, almost toppling over at any moment, but my fingers kept pulling off miracles to my own astonishment.

I found that space with Elena where there are no mistakes, as Miles Davis stated. As long as I didn't give up, everything was working out. I missed a note, a split second later the recovery was far more interesting that anything i could have intended. And my partner was right there with me. Hearing and responded to every note with a sound full of force and confidence.

I knew then that we were really ready for a gig. And Rolondo promised us one... 50 euros, meal and drinks. Friday 2 week from that magical night.

But the gig never happened. Rolondo's partner (whom we are not sure existed) changed the price to 40 and the date to 4 weeks later. Then Rolondo quit calling us back. It was surprising in that he seemed to really want us to play but the blow off was harsh.

I am not giving up, though I must admit as I'm writing this that I have not been as vigilant as what it might take to get a gig here in Paris. The competition is fierce here in Paris. There are musicians who have been out of Jazz school for 20 years who are looking for the same gigs. A few weeks ago we heard 4 players from New York, who were AMAZING! Out of our minds, blow away, coo coo for co co puffs we were, listening to what these cats could play. Yet no one was at the bar, Elena and I the only people listening. I heard at the end of the night that they got 50 each. If these guys are in that situation, what can I possibly hope for us? I guess I realize now I've been secretly thinking this. Wondering again if we even deserve a gig?

This is the wrong way to think. This is nothing but doubt.

Finding a gig comes down to luck, and confidence. Being in the right place, at the right time and having the confidence to walk through the open door.

I'm not giving up. Oh contraire. I've always known that one doesn't become a musician because it's a easy life. One plays music because we can't not play.

In order to continue my growth as a musician, I need to get out and play in public, regularly and with other musicians. Paid or not, this is my intention. And with you as my witness, I promise I won't give up.

0Vote!

Comments (0) Links Share