Inspired by the Nature of Bourgogne

I just got back from my trip to Bourgogne, a beautiful wine region in the middle of France. I left Paris 3 weeks ago because I had lost my sense of hope, my sense of possibility. Three years in this city of lights, chasing my dreams, and I felt no closer to realizing any of them. In fact, I felt even further because I had begun to question the very nature of my ambitions.  The life of a struggling artist in Paris is hardly peaceful. It's filled with longing and rejection and lots and lots of pasta. But in the end, what was I strugging for? Success means essentially fame and money. I know these things won't bring me peace either. So I had lost my inspiration for doing my art.

Life had led me here, and yet now I felt abandonned and confused. Like I had hit a dead end. Nothing left to do but turn back and head home. Give up. Be a failure. Never had I felt so lost.

In an act of desperation, I headed to nature to find the answers I sought. Which direction was I to go next? What was my next step? How had I become so lost?

It took weeks, it really did. Weeks of not thinking about any of those questions. Rather, I  distracted myself with manual labor and the listlessness of wheat fields in the wind. I became lost instead in the pleasant ache of my heart at the site of an endless blue sky with clouds sailing by. Drowned in the determination of capturing by paints the essence of a old Tree whose bark fit together like puzzle pieces.

Somewhere from the silence beyond all things, I remembered that I wasn't lost at all. And can never really be lost, not when I allow myself to feel the love, the peace, the beauty that is so abundant even in this messed world.

As an American, most of my friends and family are dealing with a type of financial stress we've never known before. One of my dear friends even committed suicide over her troubles. Things for me seem darker than I can fathom as there is no end in sight, and yet I am at peace.  Like the sunflower standing strong in the middle of a field of whithering compadres, I will stand strong in the face of the nightmares that dance and twirl around me. And I will hold my peace. By doing this, I will remind others to keep the faith, to guard our hope and hold it dearer to us than money ever was or could be.

Life twists and turns on it's own whims. But it can't harm us when we remember what's important in life. It's all about the love we show and feel. When we remember that nothing that happens in life can ever take this away from us, then peace and strength returns. From this state of mind, we are inspired to greatness, to be the best possible version of ourselves, not chasing our tails for shallow pursuits, but rather living our true potential. Finally claiming what Einstein proclaimed as our dormant human powers.

If i am to return home now, it will not be as a failure. It will be as a light for my loved ones. My purpose in art is to inspire, I have been reminded of this again and again. And my loved ones go with me everywhere. We are connected by our love.

We'll wait out this drought together, shielding ourselves from the hot sun by the shadows of our dreams to come. It is inspiration that will keep us going, spreading it's seeds of hope and renewal.  It will see us through, till the rain falls on us again and washes away all our fears.